Welcome

I grew up in a small town where everyone knew each other, I played baseball, played in the woods, swam in the river, and dared/was dared to touch the electric fence (kids don’t try this at home). In short, I was free, free to do whatever I wanted, and no one was going to stop me. 

But things changed and I got older, and learned new things, had children, got married, went to college, and began my career in Early Childhood Education.  I’m not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I lost who I am, and I am ready to begin the journey of finding me again. 

The last few years have been difficult, and I slowly became more stressed, more anxious, and more depressed.  The thought of a meeting had me in physical pain my anxiety was controlling me so much.  Until one day a few months ago I cracked and broke down completely.  I couldn’t go into work anymore and I could barely get myself up most days.  After speaking with my Dr., a psychiatrist, 2 therapists on multiple occasions, and my husband I knew what I had to do, leave the job I loved that I been doing for most of my adult life.  I couldn’t keep regressing the way that I was, it had broken me down completely.

My last day of work, was December 22nd, 2023, after being on leave for 3 months.  Since my breakdown in September I had made progress but knew I could never return to work where I was as the environment had become toxic and I was triggered with just the thought of going back to work.  I also knew that I needed to work on me and figure out who I am and what I wanted to do.   Lucky for me, I have an amazingly supportive husband who is always there for me and just wants what is best for me.

Here is what I do know about myself:

• I am a mom and I love my children; most days they were the only reason I left my house during the last few months as this is my most important job

• I am a wife, but I have to figure out what that means now, my husband has been taking care of me for so long I don’t know how to be a wife anymore

• I love my family, my sisters are crazy and that’s ok, I moved to be closer to my mom and her husband who are the most welcoming and loving people, I visit and celebrate birthdays and holidays with my step-mom even after my dad has passed away

• I have amazing friends that have been checking in on me regularly and who I have reconnected with as we try to navigate the changes happening around us

• And last my fur babies that give me their love and somedays that is what I need the most, just for them to be there with me, it’s almost as though they know I’m broken and that I need them by my side when my family is at work or school

Now what do I want to learn?  I don’t know, but I do know I want to rediscover my sense of adventure and to show my kids it doesn't matter how old you are it is never too late to do the things you love.  They have seen me at my worst and now it is time for them to see me grow and become who I was meant to be.

This is what this blog is all about, me discovering me.  Will it be a perfect journey?  Not at all.  Will there be bumps along the way? Probably.  Will I cry?  Well I cried writing this and I’m sure this won’t be the last time that I cry.

Welcome to my journey,

Chantal M.

#findingme #whoami #beingreal #myjourney #welcome